What is domestic violence?

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Domestic violence is a significant problem in Tower Hamlets, with the police dealing with an average of 11 incidents every day. Tower Hamlets Council is committed to working in partnership with statutory and community organisations to prevent domestic violence and reduce the harm it causes to individuals, families and the community as a whole.

Domestic violence is any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are, or who have been, intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.

This definition includes violence such as female genital mutilation (FGM) so-called ‘honour’ crimes, forced marriage, and acts of gender-based violence.

Domestic violence happens across all communities, faiths and cultures. Most often, domestic violence is committed by men against women, but it also happens in gay, lesbian bisexual and transgender relationships. Sometimes women abuse men. Sometimes other family members may be involved.

As many as one in four women, and one in six men experience some form of domestic violence at some point in their lives.

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Are you suffering from domestic abuse?

• Does your partner or a close family member hit you or push you around?
• Do they threaten to hurt you, your children, your friends, family or pets, or even themselves?
• Do they put you down and make you feel bad about yourself?
• Are they jealous and possessive?
• Do they control all the money?
• Do they stop you from studying or taking a paid job?
• Do they humiliate or degrade you?
• Do their moods rule your home and your life?
• Do they hurt you sexually, or force you to do things you don’t enjoy?
• Does their family also abuse you, or back them up?
• Are you often anxious, afraid, depressed, confused?
• Is what’s happening to you affecting your children?
• Have your friends, relatives or colleagues expressed concern about you or what is happening to you?
• Is it getting worse?

If you can identify with any of these scenarios, the first step to resolving the situation is to recognise that what is happening to you is unacceptable, that you are not to blame, and that you cannot change your abuser or abusers.

It can be hard to admit, even to yourself, that you are a victim of domestic violence. But this is the first step to getting help and getting safe.

Ignoring violence is dangerous. Violence rarely happens only once. In fact it is more usual for the violence to become increasingly serious the longer it continues.

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How you may be feeling

• You may feel that you are in some way to blame, that if you change the abuse will stop.
• You may feel that it is your problem and you have to solve it all by yourself.
• You may feel embarrassed or ashamed that this is happening to you.
• You may fear that things will get worse if you try to challenge the abuse.
• You may fear family or community disapproval or rejection if you take action to protect yourself.
• You may love the person who abuses you and want your relationship to work.
• You may keep hoping that things will change. The abuser may promise that they will change.

The fact is, unless a person takes full responsibility for their abusive actions and gets specialist help, chances are they will not change. There are some specialist services in London that can help people who are abusive to their partners.

• Help for perpetrators
• Find out what you can do.

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• Domestic violence booklet - Bengali (pdf 421k)
• Domestic violence booklet - English (pdf 391k)
• Domestic violence booklet - Somali (pdf 389k)